Why judging others hurts your self-image
by Lyssa Myska Allen, founder of DailyHap.com, who clearly does not know it all nor does she always know how to be happy.
I judge people based on what they wear. Yeah, I said it. I try to approach it from a helpful standpoint—here’s how to dress in a way that’s more flattering to your body; here’s exactly why you should avoid the pain that is leggings in the summer or crop tops ever save for a few exceptions—but it comes down to me judging others (AND MYSELF) based on what we wear.
Which, as it turns out, is not particularly helpful for my own happiness, health, or self-esteem. When I read Raptitude’s post “5 steps to stop worrying what people think of you“, the first really struck a chord (though click through for the other four too):
1) Stop judging others
The times in my life I’ve been most self-conscious have been the times I’ve been most judgmental of others…
At least most of the time, the feeling of being judged by others is actually caused by your judging yourself. If you think about it, you can’t actually experience the judgments of others. The only judgmental thoughts you can experience directly are your own. If you often “feel” harsh disapproval from others, I would bet you often disapprove of others with similar harshness. The more accepting you are, the more accepted you feel.
I am convinced that for most people, learning to minimize habitual judgments of others is all they need to do to alleviate the bulk of self-consciousness and the pain of worrying what others will think of you. If you put any of these tips into practice, make it this one. It will get you most of the way.
Nonjudgment is a powerful practice for personal transformation, and this becomes self-evident once you begin to experiment with it. It’s a major theme in Eastern philosophy and spiritual practices, but it doesn’t need to be spiritual at all. The best place to learn nonjudgment is through mindfulness and loving-kindness meditation.