by Cindy Myska, therapist and mother of two

We are afraid to love. We are afraid to be loved. Unbeknownst to ourselves, we have many erroneous beliefs about love.

We think love will give us power, while at the same time believing it will overpower us. We want love to save us while at the same time believing that it will destroy us. We believe love should meet all of our expectations, yet
we protect ourself from disappointment. We think love will bring some dreamy rewards, while at the same time we prepare for murky punishment. No wonder we are afraid.

Love does not overpower, nor does love defend. Love does not meet demand, nor does love reward. Love simply exists, and may be uncovered if we choose.

Uncovering our love is its own reward. We continue to believe that the reward is when we are loved in return, and we fight for that which cannot be won. By its very nature love can only be given to us. Instead of receiving the gift of uncovering our own love, we demand that love be what we would have it be; we cajole love and try to force it into small containers, boxes, and thoughts.

We tarnish love with our graven images, our long held perceptions of what “should be.” That is what causes our pain. We are not in pain because we have loved.

In any one moment when we uncover our own love we are in complete joy. Our goal is to fashion a chain of moments of remembering to uncover our love and sit in the joy, holding the boxes and containers and thoughts at bay as we revel in love, our own heart expanded to full capacity without limitations.

Image: Some rights reserved by Jane Rahman