Seasons of Change: How to Win at Life

Take control of your inner world and the outcomes will take care of themselves

Seasons of Change is a biweekly column from Jayne Clark addressing different topics each season. Fall’s focus is competition. Jayne Clark works intuitively with clients to help them resolve issues regarding relationships, loss, grief, health, and career path—how to be happy. To learn more, head to

Phil Jackson, one of the most successful NBA basketball coaches, once said, “my number one priority in coaching is to create a strong culture by developing such things as leadership, empowerment, communication, care for others, relationships, and trust.

What an interesting philosophy and perspective. Wouldn’t you think that strategy, technique, and proper shot selection would be your number one priority? After all, it’s basketball, not a psycho therapy session.

I see brilliance written all over that approach.

Our lives are never about the form. But rather, our lives are about the quality of energy we bring to the forms. We can’t control winning and losing. Likewise, we can’t control how others perceive us, react to what we do, or how they hear what we say.

Winning or achieving anything—a job promotion, graduating college, raising a family, operating a successful business, is influenced largely by how well we capitalize on the things we do have control over. Here’s how we can take Jackson’s winning philosophy and apply to our own lives.

We can choose to be the leaders within our own lives. For some that may mean getting the emotional help needed to overcome painful experiences. For others it may mean furthering their education, making amends where necessary, or changing their work habits.

Empowering ourselves is really a matter of increasing our strength and stamina to sustain making healthy choices. We can find strength in listening to other people’s stories and experiences or watching a powerful documentary. Connecting with people who are of like mind can foster a sense of safety by which we can go deeper into our own strength and courage.

Being honest and expressive in our communication can bring crystal clear insight into any challenging situation. When we have healthy conversation with another, we feel validated and cared for. Listening is also central to every verbal conversation. When we can communicate clearly and listen with an open heart, we have placed ourselves in the posture for optimal growth and healing.

When I first entered the work world, I had a boss say to me, “people are not so much interested in what you know as much as they are in how much you care.” Caring for others is the same as caring for ourselves. We have good inner feelings when we genuinely show care for others.

Relationships are living organisms. In order for them to grow and evolve, they require nurturing, attention, and mindfulness. Building solid relationships can allow us to achieve greater success than what we could do on our own. 

The more we trust in our inner guidance, the more it trusts in us. And when we place our trust in what can be truly trusted, we experience stability and security. The outer world will forever be in motion. It will ebb and flow, constantly changing and evolving. In the midst of change, trusting the eternal essence that resides in all of us can always bring forth a wisdom and guidance as to how to navigate those changes.

These are all principals that we have control over. At the very least, they are within us and are accessible to us anytime we choose to work with them. They are fundamental to our peace, joy and fulfillment to life.

Even if we didn’t get that job promotion or other goal, we can still have a sense of ourselves and who we are. We don’t get lost in the outcomes. Because the truth is we can do everything right, prepare the best way we know how to, eat the right foods, make the best grades, and it still doesn’t guarantee us the outcome we are hoping for.

To me, Jackson’s philosophy is: go for quality and character of being, the rest will take care of itself.

Image: Some rights reserved by BobbyProm

Category: Psych


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