Reflections on making a big life change
by Lyssa Myska Allen, happy person, founder of DailyHap.com, and recent California transplant. This piece was written pre-move.
For all my excitement, bravado, and confidence, I am terrified.
I am terrified that I will never be happy in an office,
no matter how wonderful that office is.
I am terrified that I am giving up what I want
for what I want.
I am terrified that my new life
will not fulfill the dreams I’ve had since I was young.
I am terrified that coming out of hiding
will reveal a me I don’t like.
I am terrified that given choices
I’ll choose too many.
I am terrified I will gain weight, spend too much money,
work too hard, and not find love.
I’ve been sick since my apartment-hunting trip to the beach, a place I have dreamed of living all of my life. I firmly believe things are psychosomatic, so if if I keep getting sick and well, there must be some inner torment going on here.
I am thrilled to move to the beach, for a wonderful job opportunity, and excited for a fresh start, leaving the pains—and safety net—of the past behind me.
But at the same time, I fear that I haven’t been acknowledging the downright scariness of the change. I am leaving my safety net, not just in love, but in friendships, activities, schedule (or intentional lack there of), boarding kennel, daily hellos to the neighbors. And that’s terrifying.
It doesn’t mean I won’t succeed, and it doesn’t mean I won’t fail. But bringing these fears to light will help me both set myself up for success and deal with myself when I do fail.
As terrified as I am to chase my dreams, I am more terrified not to.
Image: Some rights reserved by ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser